Divorce
Divorce is a transition for all family members. For the divorcing couple, the experience can be very different for one another. It can be an emotional time of stress, shock, and emptiness for one, and yet be very liberating for the other. While we don’t always have control over ending a marriage or control over the issues in dispute, we do have some control over what we do about the issues. Mediation is a useful tool to help families work together in resolving issues brought on by the divorce or ending of the relationship. These issues often include parenting and financial support and other financial issues such as property division. 

What are some of the advantages of mediation?
Mediation directly involves you and your spouse with an opportunity to work together to bring about resolution of your differences. It can be less expensive both financially and emotionally for all involved. Traditional divorces often end with lengthy and costly court battles leaving the participants emotionally, physically and financially drained and unsatisfied with the outcome. Mediation helps preserve and acknowledge the importance of ongoing relationships. Mediation is private, allowing you and your spouse to discuss and resolve the issues that are important for your family.

We are not married. Can we still use mediation?
Mediation is well suited to all types of family issues such as unmarried parents, post-divorce parents, non –traditional relationships, parent and teen relationships, grandparent custody and parenting issues. 

How does mediation work?
The mediator meets with you to explain the process and answer any questions you may have about mediation. The mediator spends also spends some time individually with each of you to get a snapshot of what brings you to mediation. This is followed by a joint session with the mediator to begin working on the issues both of you have identified that need to be resolved.

How long will it take?
On average mediation of a parenting plan can take three to four sessions of 1 ½ hours to 2 hours each. Mediation of the financial issues can average three to four sessions of 1 ½ to 2 hours each. The amount of time it takes to resolve issues varies given the complexity of the issues, the conflict between the parties, and the readiness of each person.

How much will it cost?
Mediation can be less costly than the average litigated divorce which can run into thousands of dollars. Again, the cost of mediation is related to how long it takes as described above. The average minimum amount of time for mediation is generally three to four sessions (6 to 8 hours), however, each situation is different and may require more time. If you reach agreement (see “Will There be Anything in Writing Below”) I can prepare a mediated settlement agreement which averages an additional 2 – 4 hours of time. My current rate is $160 per hour. The fee is on an hourly basis and I do not require a retainer but I do require payment at the end of each session by cash, check or credit card.

I don’t trust the other person. Will mediation help?
Mediation focuses on how you and your spouse/partner are going to communicate and make decisions. This may seem counter-intuitive if you are thinking “how can I trust this person to follow through with agreements?” This is normal and natural to feel this way when relationships are breaking down. The irony is that when you turn to the adversarial legal process, this just reinforces the mistrust. Mediation can help you to move forward and to help prevent further break down in the communication. When working in mediation, both of your perspectives are seen and heard and from here you can build the road map to resolution of the issues. In doing so the perceived threat of what the other person wants or will take is lessened.

My spouse has been abusive. Can I still mediate?
This is very important information to tell the mediator in your first contact. Mediators are trained to manage conflict and work to balance power imbalances. However, if there has been physical, mental and/or emotional abuse, then mediation may not be beneficial.  In some situations, mediation may be appropriate if safety parameters can be incorporated such as the mediator going back and forth between you and your spouse while you are in separate rooms. 

Will there be anything in writing?
Once you have reached a resolution on all or some of the issues, I can  draft a mediated agreement. Once you have had a chance to review the agreement and everyone is satisfied with it as written, then I will provide you with a final copy. Your attorney may assist you in incorporating the written agreement into the legal documents necessary for the divorce. If you do not have an attorney, may include the written agreement in the documents you are filing yourself with the court.

We have the Mediated Agreement Are We Finished?
Not yet. The legal documents for the divorce need to be completed. Your attorney will review your agreement and will prepare the legal documents necessary for legal processing of your divorce. If you are not working with an attorney, I will encourage you to meet with an attorney to review any agreements before finalizing. Attorneys are available at reasonable rates to review and prepare the documents necessary for the legal processing of your divorce.

Clients may also choose to fill out the legal paperwork themselves (self help) and to have an attorney review the papers to ensure that they are filled out correctly. I am able to provide a list of attorneys that are available to review your mediated agreement as well as finalize the legal paperwork.

Do I really need to consult with an attorney-can’t we just do this on our own?
Clients are often hesitant to meet with attorneys believing that they will make things adversarial and costly. As a mediator, I cannot give you legal advice. My ethical standards that I subscribe to also direct me to strongly encourage you to consult with an attorney. I encourage clients to meet early on with attorneys to get an idea of the legal landscape. Consulting with an attorney does not mean the process will become adversarial. I can provide clients with attorney contacts that are “mediation friendly” and are able to help move the process along.

You are making very important decisions some that will take place over the years. It makes good business sense to insure that you are fully informed about any legal effect the agreement may have and to insure that all legal information is included when filed with the court.  Your attorney is your advisor, helping you make informed decisions.  Your attorney can also review any agreements you reach in mediation, and help with the filing of the necessary papers. If you file on your own and there is a problem with the paperwork the court may very well return it to you with little or no explanation. This can be frustrating and costly.

More information
I have included a link to resources and articles that you may find informative. I also welcome phone calls or e-mails from anyone interested in knowing more about mediation. I believe mediation can help people find resolution in a creative and effective way.